SUBWAY DOUCHERY

SUBWAY ENDORSERY : The Creek in Long Island City, NY This...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:18:49 -0500

SUBWAY ENDORSERY : The Creek in Long Island City, NY

This is the all time greatest comedy venue in the history of stand up and it’s located one stop out of Manhattan on the 7 train. Every show is FREE! The beer is CHEAP! On any given night you can see a variety of shows that include people that are FAMOUS! I’ve been lucky enough to perform there, get super drunk there, and grow as a comedian there… and then get even DRUNKER!

They have a kickstarter campaign (or… a CREEKSTARTER!) that you should check out! You can do that HERE…. HERE…… and HERE! And yes, all three are the same link.

And if you are unable to donate, just head over anyway! Take in a free show, have a few Tecates, and tell ‘em Tom Sibley* sent ya!

* - Using my name will not afford you any discount and may only be met with vague recognition.

One From The Douchery Vault: A Personal Favorite

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:47:15 -0500

One From The Douchery Vault: A Personal Favorite

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Rat Tales And I thought MY WEBSITE was...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:30:37 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Rat Tales

And I thought MY WEBSITE was ridiculous! Please take a moment of your day to peruse RatFreeSubways.com where you’ll have a ball doing any number of the following things:

Rate My Rat! Take a snap shot of a rat and send it in! And one of the reader’s of NYC’s most popular Rat influenced website will rate it!

Tell Us Your Rat “Tale”! Got a killer rat story? GIVE IT TO THESE GUYS! (No stories submitted at present)

Win a free MetroCard! Send in a picture of your rat (literal rat, please no dick pics!) and win! Please see contest rule #2 “Uploading photos of “Ben” or “Socrates” from the movie classic “Willard” is not allowed as those images are protected by copyright.”

Willard was totally a classic!

*** Website was brought to The Douchery Attention by BIG JOHN HAMMER! Thanks for lookin’ our & Keep on Douchin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Shaved ** WATCH THIS VIDEO! WATCH THIS...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:32:33 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Shaved

** WATCH THIS VIDEO! WATCH THIS VIDEO! **

I always wanted to start a Douchery post with the following line….. CHECK OUT THESE FOUR-ALARM-ASSHOLES! Sorry for the brash intro but I’m hung over and in a bit of a mood. Then I see these two geniuses, and I flipped my bill. Frankly, she appears to be drunk and Captain Cue Ball seems to be enjoying this shave session perhaps a bit too much. It’s like watching some weird four play ritual that always ends in an empty six packs of wine coolers, bodily fluids strewn about, and a hairless dude.

But every villain needs a hero, and we’ve got one right here! Look at the gentleman sitting to the left. THAT’S A NEW YORKER! He’s got a seat. He’s got a newspaper. You can do whatever you want next to him and as long as there is no eye contact! Because he’s been working all day and doesn’t have to buy into whatever weird shit you’re doing for attention. If these two goofballs ever read this blog… I’m only joking around! Nothing but love because the two of you look like you’ve done jail time.

*** Big thanks to Brian! He’s always looking out for The Douchery. Check out his website BrianGrosz.com & Keep on Douchin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Butts Jeez louise! This picture is quite...

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:24:53 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Butts

Jeez louise! This picture is quite a firecracker! Quite a few questions come to mind when gazing upon it and I will attempt answer those questions now:

Is it photoshopped? Yeah, probably.

Does The Douchery need everyone pointing that out? Yeah, if y’all wanna be sticks in the mud and ruin the fun! ENJOY THE WIN!

Did WE photoshop it? No. If we had that ability, everyone on this website would have crazy big butts. TRUTH!

Do we see anything wrong with this picture? Any number of sanitary issues could be brought up.. that being said, we are staunch supporters of big butts.

Are there better ways to keep your balance on the train? Hell, we can’t think of any!

*** Oh boy! We got this picture quite a bit but first over the plate was Patrick! Thanks Paddy! Nice try saying it was taken last week in NYC (it wasn’t) & Keep on Douchin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Children Are The Worst I don’t know...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:59:42 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Children Are The Worst

I don’t know if any children read this blog… and chances are they shouldn’t. If I had to give the blog a rating it would be PG-13, so COME ONE, COME ALL THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS! (I am aware how horrible that sounds) But anything younger, y’all can hit the skidz! And frankly, I don’t want these little “World Revolves Around ME!” ingrates, covered in mud and cookies, soiling their parents lap tops with their greasy little fingers to read Subway Douchery…

Pictured above is a broken man/father at the moment his husky razor-scooterin’ son breaks his spirit. A dear friend of The Douchery took this artful photo and told us that the father was doing all that he could to control his son but to no avail. His chubby offspring chose to dishonor his own father and continue his live performance of running over people’s toes. If I could get this kid alone in a room, with a legal guardian (I’m not gross!), I’d tell him to grow the hell up, get a job, and listen to his father. Also, hit the elliptical fatty! Razor Scooterin’ may seem like fun but it’s a meager calorie burn!

*** Photo was a unauthorized lift from @rondazed Instagram! A must follow on both accounts! Have a wonderful Monday y’all & Keep on Douchin’ ***

Proof that if you are wearing yoga pants, you can get away with...

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:07:29 -0500

Proof that if you are wearing yoga pants, you can get away with ANYTHING!

Keep on Douchin’

fuckyeahdementia: next stop ebi station

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:14:07 -0500

fuckyeahdementia:

next stop ebi station

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Goin’ Down In LA Yup…. this...

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:38:35 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Goin’ Down In LA

Yup…. this picture was taken during “rush hour” at a centrally located subway stop. Where are all the people you ask? They are above ground in their cars. Why are none of them using the subway? Lots of reasons both valid and preposterous. Honestly, many of them either don’t know it exists or think it is some kind of Disney/Scientology incorporated shuttle fun ride for tourists. Which it very well could be, you’d be surprised how much stuff Disney and Scientology own out here.

Living in a place that could have a humanity obliterating earthquake literally at any moment, perhaps most have a fear of being buried alive. Which I totally get, I saw that Ryan Reynolds movie* where he’s buried alive and it looked like anything but fun. I haven’t ridden it yet myself, but I’m sure i have a night of one too many Chardonnays in my future where I’ll desperately try to figure out the transit system… while furiously eating a slice of pizza…. and sadly texting an ex-girlfriend who wants nothing to do with me.

* - I did not see the movie Buried. Because the thought of seeing a man being stuck in a coffin for 95 minutes… you might as well show a guy getting invasive dental work done for 95 minutes.

*** Today’s picture was stolen from the twitter of Conan writer & dear friend of the Douchery, JESSE POPP! Follow him @JessePopp & Keep on Douchin’ ***

**** Follow me too, ya rubes! @TheTomSibley ****

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Scatoillogical ** This is the picture...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 15:45:11 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Scatoillogical

** This is the picture without the star. It’s gross. You’ve been warned! **

“Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.” — Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ozymandias

Sometimes I think we are having too much fun with this website. We find goofy things, crack a couple of jokes, swipe a few MetroCards, Kindle a few electronic pages, and forget there is some serious Douchery out there. The Subway Douchery editorial staff and legal department has been sitting (or squatting on this picture… HIYOOOO!) for quite some time. After a heated debate (which consisted of me asking my roommate and immediately getting his blessing) I decided to post this picture..

It’s feces. Poop. Crap. Dung. Guano. A BM movement. Night Soil. Turd. It’s just sitting on the floor of a subway car not hurting anyone… BUT HURTING EVERYONE! I’ve received reports* that several people on this train moved out of New York City the following day. Others had their sense of smell removed. And one guy seemed “kinda into it”. This post serves as a reminder that there is still some crazy Douchery out there. I want pictures of all of it as I sit here and sip tea at my apartment in sunny Los Angeles, California.

* - Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies… about these reports.

*** A much needed Douchery salute goes to Oliver for bravely sending in this picture. Hold your breath & Keep on Douchin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Earned Elderly Behavior In these modern...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:08:00 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Earned Elderly Behavior

In these modern times… old people are often talked about like they are either puppies ( “Oh my god, you guys… My grandma is sooooo cute!” ) or they are treated like burdens ( “Listen, Pops. Whether you like or not, you’re moving to the Twilight of The End of Your Life nursing home.. they got all the Werther’s Originals you can eat.” ) And such is the circle of life. First a mother bathes her child then the other way around. Yes, that is a lyrics from a Bright Eyes song.

But the old and infirm get to hit a very sweet spot. A sweet spot of no rules, no consequences, where they can do basically whatever the hell they want. My grandmother once removed a ketchup bottle from a table as a restaurant patron was actively using it. Shoes? Slip them off more comfy. Fedora? On my shopping bag. I ain’t putting either of them on this grimy floor. Feet? Yeah, I put them up on the seat to be more comfy, wanna fight? Diet Pepsi? I drink four or five of these a day. Not healthy, but I don’t give a FUG… I’m old! (I also don’t say the “F” because I have grand children.

*** Thank you to muhh man, JAMES from BROOKLYN! Some day we will all earn the right to relax like that but til then, Keep on Douchin’ ***

oh my god! Follow me @TheTomSibley

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : The Sanitary Napkin I’m of two...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:22:36 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : The Sanitary Napkin

I’m of two minds with this picture… I don’t blame her for using a napkin. Lord knows, I’ve posted enough horrific pictures of people rubbing their butts on these poles. No matter how awesome those BUTTS are, there is always going to be a question of cleanliness. So who could be surprised to see a woman extract a napkin from her purse, and use it like a dental dam against countless germs that could be lurking…..

BUT……….. I can’t help but feel like she’s calling me gross. I grabbed that pole without a napkin earlier. You protecting yourself from my germs, Mrs. Clean? Mr. Clean’s wife, are ya? Is that one of his highly absorbent paper towels? Absorbing all my gross germs because I’m such a Gregory Gross Out? Like the kids used to call me in high school? Even though my name is Tom? You think you’re better than me? I AM A CLEAN PERSON!

*** Thank you to one of New York’s finest Comedians, Abigoliah Schamaun! She sent in today’s picture. Follow her on twitter @Abigoliah & Keep on Douchin’ ***

follow me @TheTomSibley

SUBWAY BEAUTY : Use Your Illusion II Before any of you get...

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:16:59 -0500

SUBWAY BEAUTY : Use Your Illusion II

Before any of you get your panties in a bunch… we here at Subway Douchery fully acknowledge there is nothing douchey going on in this photo. BUT LOOK AT THAT HAIR!?!?!?!?!? Style for miles!

1. Optical Illusion? I thought for sure the hair was concave like a nautilus shell. But one of my staffers at Douchery Headquarters (My roommate, Adam) thought it was the opposite like a cinnamon bun. Any ideas?

2. Homework or Salon? I can’t help but wonder if she was able to do this at home in the mirror or if she sat in the salon chair and said, “Give me the Nautilus Cinnamon Bun!”

3. Partying? She may be fresh from the salon, hair did, ready for a special event that evening. But I prefer to think that’s just the hairdo she rocks day in and day out.

*** This one comes from our main man CRAIG! Taken on the DC Metro. Perfection & Keep on Douchin’ ***

follow me! @TheTomSibley

Check out this column I’m doing for MTV’s...

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:10:18 -0500

Check out this column I’m doing for MTV’s Clutch!

mtvclutch:

Brand new column from Subway Douchery creator, Tom Sibley. Really funny. Check it out, Rubbernecker.

Donate to Josh Adam Meyers' Medical Expenses

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 20:54:40 -0500

Donate to Josh Adam Meyers' Medical Expenses:

thecomedybureau:

Comedian Scott Boxenbaum has set up a Pay Pal account to help with comedian Josh Adam Meyers medical expenses.

In the passing of Angelo Bowers, the LA comedy community has shown much of a community it is. Let’s continue that with aiding Josh Adam Meyers through this difficult time.

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Fellas in Paris ** WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!...

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:33:40 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Fellas in Paris

** WATCH THIS VIDEO!!! WATCH THIS VIDEO!!! **

Sing like no one is listening… unless you’re listening to Fellas in Paris (I’M AWARE THAT’S NOT THAT TITLE! But I’m a white guy and… I can’t even say the title when I’m singing alone in my kitchen pretending I’m Jay Z at MSG. Which happens WAY MORE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK!)

Let this man be your New Year’s inspiration! Live every second with the joy and intensity of this man singing Watch the Throne’s break out hit! He’s not only listening to this song. He’s not only SINGING this song. He’s EXPERIENCING this song. And he doesn’t give a damn who hears it. It’s time we all start living that way.

That shit IS cray. But cray for all the right reasons and if you don’t think so.. what you order, fish fillet?

*** This video has been viewed over a million times and I wish it a million more! First time i saw it was on comedian Hannibal Burres’ Facebook page. Follow him on Twitter @HannibalBuress & Keep on Douchin’ ***

**** Follow me too @TheTomSibley ****

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Douchin’ n’...

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:15:00 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Douchin’ n’ Cruisin’

OH MY GOD!!!! Every now and then a pic will glide it’s way into The Douchery Inbox that is literally like THIS CLIP from Ghostbusters. Something that is just so douchey, done by such a douchey person, at a transit time when ultimate douchery can be reached and breached. My cookie crumbed fingers can’t get to the key board fast enough. I only hope I can do it justice:

1. Bike on the Subway : the international sign for “I Was Gonna Ride My Bike To Work But… The Traffic Was So Scary!” On top of that, you’re on a friggin’ beach cruiser which is great for rolling over to The Hudson House for some Miller Lites and shuffle board, but not EVER okay on a subway.. mind the handlebar radius, ya jerk!

2. “Sit on it, Potsie!” : I’ll concede that there could be any number of reasons to bring a bike onto the subway. But don’t celebrate it by RIDING IT! It’s just a slap in the face. And let me assure you, the only person that thinks you are kooky and interesting is you.

3. European Carry-All : Yes, I’m about to get petty and off topic. Is that a purse, jerkball? You realize you are ON A SUBWAY, SITTING ON AN ENORMOUS BIKE, GOING THROUGH…. YOUR PURSE… Goood lord! Get your self a season of Mad Men, pay attention to the lead guy named Don, if he wouldn’t be caught dead doing it, neither should you.

*** Big thanks to Lauren for sending this in this blood boiling classic! Lauren you are a National Douchery Treasure. Stay as special as you are & Keep on Douchin’ ***

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Celebrities Are Great People ** WATCH...

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:47:39 -0500

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Celebrities Are Great People

** WATCH THIS VIDEO! WATCH THIS VIDEO! WATCH THIS VIDEO! **

This video made the rounds on the internet last Friday… but I’ve been battling a horrific flu and did not have the strength to Douche it up. So the above video shows one of America’s greatest treasures, Keanu Reeves, giving up his seat to a little lady on the subway. Was he obligated to because he’s a man and she’s a woman and somehow deserves that seat more than him? Absolutely not. If anyone deserves a seat on that subway, it’s the guy that KILLED IT in one of the greatest movies ever, Speed.

There have always been quite a few critics that basically say Mr. Reeves is a bad actor. I’ve never agreed with these people. Many of Reeves films are woven into the fiber of American pop culture. The Lake House, Johnny Mnemonic, and Constantine, just to name a select few, are films that we will never forget. And nor should we! He’s proven himself as an entertainment powerhouse, and now thanks to YouTube, he’s proven himself NOT ONLY AS A GENTLEMAN CELEBRITY, but as a perfect human being. I love you, Keanu! Catch a tube for all of us!

*** Today’s video was brought to the Douchery attention by my #1 guy, PETER! Thanks, bro! Hope none of you have the flu & Keep on Douchin’ ***

One From The Douchery Vault : Sex Sells This post remains...

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:16:31 -0500

One From The Douchery Vault : Sex Sells

This post remains one of the most reblogged and liked posts in Subway Douchery history. Why? Because that’s a popular redheaded porn star hanging upside down. I pour my heart and soul into every post, but if I could just get a world famous porn star in every picture, I’d be rolling in dough*.

* - I mean literally as in pizza dough. None of this pays any actual money.

SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Hangin’ Pornstar!

Received a link to this picture that had the caption “New MOB photoshoot featuring Faye Reagan. OH DAMN!” I should have known something was amiss by the “OH DAMN!” but I planned on writing a post about how cute girls can get away with just about anything.

Then I decided to image search Faye Reagan and found out she is an effortlessly hardcore porn star. Which would have been more than fine had I done that search in comfort of my own home, but I did the search at the office. Found out the hard way, NSFW is more than a commonly used acronym. It is a way of life.

*** Thanks to mo for bringing this one to attention! Original link: http://fashion-dispatch.tumblr.com/post/523932426/new-mob-photoshoot-featuring-faye-reagan-oh Keep on Douchin’ ***

STAGED DOUCHERY : Alive in Brooklyn Here is a set I did at...

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:11:40 -0500

STAGED DOUCHERY : Alive in Brooklyn

Here is a set I did at one of the greatest shows in Brooklyn CRAPPY CINEMA COUNCIL! It’s some of the most fun I’ve ever had on stage. Check out the clip and check out the show.

Keep on Douchin’