SUBWAY DOUCHERY

SUBWAY PREDATORY : If it bleeds, we can hire it!

NEW YORK, N.Y. - In today’s struggling economy, even intergalactic Predators are having trouble joining the workforce. “Well you know… times are tough, and the demand for human skulls as trophies has taken a real dive in the past sixteen months.” said Steve Rickford, a Queens’ Predator transplant of the Yautja species.

Rickford, while riding the 6 train on his way to an interview at a midtown Manhattan Pinkberry, told us, “Back in in ‘87 when the first Predator film hit theaters, we thought those salad days would never end.” says Rickford with a bleak shrug, “Nowadays, I can hardly buy a MetroCard. I tried to blow a guys head off for putting his bag on the seat, but can’t afford the electric charges for my Shoulder Cannon.”

Although Rickford was able to sever the passenger’s head clean off with his Wrist Blades, he left the skull behind. “I could clean it, but who would buy it? There’s a wasted day! And I don’t know how Pinkberry would feel if I showed up for my follow up interview with some guy’s head in my bag.” A bit of gallows humor on an otherwise trying day.

There’s still some hope left in this 7 foot 2 inch Predator. He’s began taking night classes in business management at Queensborough Community College and plans to open his own gym. “That’s always been my ultimate dream… we’ll have everything from elliptical machines to Combat Staff Aerobics, which I’ll personally teach.” With some hard work and a bit of luck, maybe this alien from another galaxy, even aliens from our own world, will be back on their feet.

*** GREATEST PICTURE EVER! Thanks to Zara (inthebigsky.tumblr.com) for sending in this one! Check out her blog & Keep on Douchin’ ***

Posted June 7, 2010 at 10:53am || home

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