SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Ms. Hipster Child’s Bike
In the immortal words of Christian Bale, “OoooOOhhhh, Goooood for you!”
Ms. European Hispter, you are THE NEXT LEVEL of hip! It’s hard to make sure people know you’re interesting. Sure, you can dress like you are from the future (circa Back to the Future II) Sure, you can wear big glasses that hide any bit of beauty you might have had! Hell, you can get a neck tattoo of Tony the Tiger if you like, but you took it to THE NEXT LEVEL! You bought a child’s bike.
Perfection. Irony. The appearance of exercise. It’s all there. You win. And if anybody asks, you can always say, in whatever weird language you actually speak, “I’m just too short, it’s the only bike that was my size!” And then you can wink into the camera, because you and I both know it was for style points. And that my dear, is half court swish!
Of course, you can’t actually ride it. It’s a child’s bike. DUH! Once you were done showing it off at Union Square, you couldn’t exactly ride it back to Brooklyn! So just crowd the L train with it. We won’t mind, because secretly we all wish we were a free spirit like you!
