SUBWAY RETRACTORY : Apparently…
… I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Judging by the comments on yesterday’s douchery:
Benjamin Kabak informed me, “If your blaming the MTA and Jay Walder, you have no idea what’s going on economically or politically.”
- Of course I don’t! I write a website with the word “douchery” in the title.. it’s not even a real word!
Anon suggested, “sooooooo wrong! Again blaming the MTA! Do you know who runs the system, not the MTA. The Union does.”
- Well Anon, I’ve seen enough mafia movies to know you don’t mess with the Union… and judging by the gigantic Union guys I see at Dunkin Donuts in the morning, my comments will still be directed towards the MTA for my own health and well being. PRO UNION! Luv u guyz!
The masterfully named Poopover will have the last word, “It’s THIS kind of anger that makes the politicians in Albany really happy…”
- You know what else makes them really happy, Poopover? SUPER HOT PROSTITUTES! Featured here: http://bit.ly/cYGH0A
Poopover went on, “They’ll go right along with you, shouting at the MTA for being greedy, while they cut tens of millions of dollars from the MTA’s budget while ridership is on the RISE.”
- Well I’ll be cold in the ground before I let Subway Douchery be a puppet of the man! But alas, The Douchery is not here for social change. It’s here for laughs (… hopefully, sometimes it sucks!) But Poopover attached the following link that Mythbusts the MTA Fare Hike from EastVillageIdiot.com (link here: http://bit.ly/f5DvO)
I read the whole thing this morning with a delightful hangover and it was excessively informative. DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!
*** The Douchery would like to sincerely thank everyone for the comments! Keep ‘em coming! It’s keeps hope alive & it Keeps Us Douchin’ ***
**** The hang over was caused because Irish women can drink! ****
SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Takin’ it to the Streets!
Waaaaaaaaaah! Someone is leaning against a pole! Waaaaaaaah! Someone is hogging too may seats! But how about WHAT THE FUTCH, MTA?!?! You are raising fares after you cut services across the board?!?! I know you got us by the balls but do you have to squeeze so hard???
We pay more, we wait more, and we get less service… ahhh the American way! Some day we’ll tell our children what we paid to ride the trains and they’ll laugh about our antiquated underground choo-choo’s… as they scoot away on their hover boards. Unless the 2012 apocalypse comes, then we don’t have much to worry about!
The MTA must love this site. It completely diverts attention from the real and true Subway Douchery that they provide on a daily basis with no truly believable explanation. If their budget were made of jerks, they’d have a surplus.
Final Thought: The Chairman of the MTA Jay Walder makes about half a million dollars a year. From all of us here at Subway Douchery… FUCK YOU, JAY WALDER!
*** This picture is from The Douchery Reserve taken this morning at Bryant Park. Keep hope alive & Keep on Douchin’ ***
SUBWAY DOUCHERY : Grease the pole!
Mmmmhmmm… Bringing back the faux hawk? Hell yeah! Although it doesn’t work with your hair type, you will use chemicals against the will of God to achieve the style! Gap Jeans? FUTCH YEAH! You fell into the Gap years ago and never saw one good reason to climb back out! The only way to complete this is to pop the top! For the following reasons:
1.) Show off the vague suggestion of fleshy muscle tone.
2.) It’s the perfect way to compliment the Black Eyed Peas Back-Up Keyboardist look you’re avidly cultivating.
3.) The Clincher: Rub your greasy back all over the pole. So people on the train after the pole will touch your back grease and wonder, “Is this pole greasy? Nahhh… must just be the humidity…
… but it wasn’t humidity… it was your back grease. Thanks for looking out!
*** Thanks to everyone’s favorite lady in the world, Beth Ann! From now on I won’t be touching anything on the subway! Let it loose & Keep on Douchin’ ***